Tag Archives: loss of a son

My Heart Is Broken

It’s thirty-nine months today since my son Matthew has been gone. I woke around 3:30 a.m. this morning, knowing something wasn’t quite right, and immediately knew it was the 11th. And I had no poem! The days are passing too fast–despite Covid.

I immediately started one, but it’s not ready to post. Another day, perhaps.

Instead, here is the book with all the poems I wrote commemorating him over the three years after his death. A purchaser just reached out and said how wonderful the book is; I hope she’s telling me the truth!

So…here it is. Available locally from me or on Amazon U.S. and Canada.

MY HEART IS BROKEN

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized, books

The Ghost

Time creeps

like ghosts at night,

blind, bleak, bloodless.

 

Twenty-five months gone,

dead months vanished

along with the living years

as if he’s never existed,

like those ghosts at night.

 

Not many parents

feel my pain

or my envy

for the pain is eternal,

ghastly,

one I’d not wish upon a foe.

 

If you have children,

pick one child from your flock

to be a ghost,

and if you have only one,

imagine that one a ghost.

 

Imagine a face alive only

in dreams and nightmares,

in a portrait upon a wall,

in a mirage in an elusive distance,

meagre memories,

flashbacks,

perhaps words from those who dare

to cite your loss.

 

I’ll never see my son again,

never to touch,

never to converse,

never to see him walk through the door.

I live with massive voids

and words unsaid.

 

I don’t believe in Heaven or Hell

where we’ll see loved ones,

where we’ll gather for an endless party.

I could be wrong—

how I’d love to be wrong,

I wish to be wrong!

I’d give my life to see my son again

but it’s too much make-believe,

a fantasy, not reality.

 

Days pass while

I breathe and eat and sleep

and dream and weep and laugh,

I’m resigned to images on the wall

and ghosts at night

and a hollowness in my heart.

Matt alone

In memory of my son Matthew, April 28, 1980-March 11, 2017.

+++
C.A. MacKenzie is the author of the novel WOLVES DON’T KNOCK, a psychological drama/thriller, available from the author or at various retailers, including Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/Wolves-Dont-Knock-C-MacKenzie/dp/1927529387/.

 

Leave a comment

Filed under books, free, Uncategorized